Improve Your Life

It took my dad’s deteriorating health and the realization that he wouldn’t be with me much longer to make me realize I wasn’t living the life I desired. Sitting beside him in the hospital and not knowing how much more time he had left served as my wake-up call. I want to share the letter with you as it was what sparked me to write my newest book, You Can Have a Better Life. I hope you can relate to the letter below and use it to motivate you to go get the life you desire before it’s too late.

P.S. My new book You Can Have A Better Life: 21 Secrets to Getting the Life You Desire—Full of Significance, Joy and Purpose is now available! See it HERE.

— Before Five —

Dad,

I'm trying to remember the early years—those before I was 5—but I'm not sure if the memories I have are real ones, or whether they're simply “memories” from stories I've heard and pictures I've seen.

I'm told you weren't around much during those early years, but I don't remember that. I know now that you were working two jobs, just trying to get by. Already a father to me, and a baby on the way, I'm sure you were worried about how you and Mom would manage. I remember (or I remember hearing) that the landlord of our tiny two-bedroom, one-bath apartment gave us a small folding table so we had somewhere to eat and four metal folding chairs so we had somewhere to sit. I don’t remember if we had a sofa then, but I know we had one by the time I was 5, as I saw a picture of me sitting on it with a freshly-molded cast framing my broken arm. I was a tomboy back then and although I thought it was a good idea to swing like Tarzan on the branch of the sizable yet decrepit tree in our backyard it turned out to not be such a good idea.

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I know now that when Mom cried as the table and chairs showed up outside our apartment door, her tears weren’t 100 percent from joy like she claimed. “Honey,” she said, “sometimes people cry when they’re happy.” Instead, I understand that she shed tears of relief since her family now had somewhere to sit and eat. The table, gifted by someone we barely knew, I now realize was something some adults might view as a handout—something to cause slight embarrassment (even if feeling grateful at the same time). But as a 4-year-old, I only remember the event through a child’s eyes: receiving a wonderful gift that was very unexpected.

I’m not sure, Dad, why I’m telling you so much of what I remember at this age. Somehow it seems important to me now—like this is where all my memories of you and mom began. Like this small apartment was the beginning of all my future memories. So here I sit, trying to remember the rest of our humble home. I can visualize the layout of every room. Near the front door, there was a small living space that held our folding table and chairs. Past that, I can see two small bedrooms—yours to the left and mine to the right. The one meager bathroom was closer to my room than yours. Ironically, the kitchen, the room that seemed most important, is also the one I’m having the most difficulty remembering. I can visualize its location, but I only remember how small it was and no other details. That entire kitchen could easily fit inside the space that holds my kitchen island today.

Mom made all our meals in that small space. I remember eating hot dogs and beans often—not because you and Mom loved them (like I assumed at the time)—but because we couldn’t afford much else. I never went hungry.

The only other real memory I have from that time—the time before I became a 5-year-old—involves Mom walking me to preschool. I remember only because the school was right next door to our apartment, with the playground right off our backyard. Mom would walk out to the yard while I was at recess and wave to me, and I’d always excitedly wave back. It's funny how perceptions change. As a kid, I thought living next door to an elementary school—especially one with the playground right off our backyard—was extremely lucky. As an adult, I realize that the close proximity to school wasn't the best feature of our small apartment, but I was happy.

— Five Years Old —-

At age 5, so many things changed. I remember all the big events of this year, even if I can’t remember the minute details. I remember you teaching me how to ride a bike while mom looked on—holding the back of my sparkly silver banana seat and running next to me while I tried to remain upright. I remember you letting go and cheering me on, truly excited for my accomplishment, as I veered off straight into the trunk of the big oak tree that grew out from a sidewalk in front of our place. Fortunately, I wasn’t going fast enough to do any damage to the tree, the bike or myself. But I was startled nonetheless, and you came running to my rescue, comforting me and encouraging me to try again (something I would later do with both of my own kids).

Five was a big year. Not only did I learn to ride my bike without the wobbly training wheels, but it also marked many significant life changes for our family. For years I’d been asking for a baby brother or sister, and this was the year you decided to grant this wish and give me one—a little sister. She came into our lives (and into my bedroom), and I got the title I’d been dreaming of: “big sister.”

This was also the year during which we moved into a real house. We left the small apartment for a humble (900-square-foot) house, which to me, and in comparison to our previous apartment, felt enormous. The house was more than an hour from our apartment, so I said my goodbyes to all my friends, not knowing I’d never see any of them again. Life as I knew it, in the tiny apartment with the school next door, was over. I was heartbroken, but you and mom were elated.

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Our new house in Valencia, a town named for its acres and acres of orange groves, felt monstrous in comparison. Not only did we have a separate area for our table and chairs, but more importantly (to me), I had my very own room once again. You and Mom even had a bathroom connected to your bedroom rather than out in the hallway to be shared. I remember running all over the house and in and out of each of the three bedrooms. You let me pick my room first, since I was the older sister.

It was strange having our own place. We even had our own front and backyard. Although the back remained dirt for some time, the front was vibrantly alive with green grass included with the purchase of the newly built house.

— Pre-Teen —

My pre-teen years are full of memories that might hold little significance to an adult, but back then, they felt paramount in my mind. This was the year of “banana butt” (I’ll explain later), Del Taco, Dolphin shorts, Kmart and the realization that not everyone lives the same exact way.

As a kid, some seemingly insignificant events unfortunately become the most memorable. We lived only a few miles from the nearest Kmart. This was the only store where I remember ever shopping for school clothes—or anything else, for that matter. In fifth grade, it started to become very important to wear the “right” clothing, which typically cost more than the rest. When it was time to shop before the new school year, I remember begging Mom to buy me the same jeans as the other kids wore. I wanted Jordache, Sergio Valente or even Sasson—name brands that had not yet made it into my closet. But we didn’t have the money for these extravagances, so like all previous years, Mom took me to Kmart to stock up on that year’s essentials.

When we got to the jeans section, there were no popular name-brands to be found. So I reluctantly opted for two pairs of jeans—the first with a pair of cherries on the back pockets and the second with bananas. The jeans spent most of the summer in layaway, but when it was time for school to start, we paid the last of what we owed and brought the new purchases home. That year, unlike the girls with the perfect hair and cool jeans who were called by their real names, I became known as “banana butt.”

I spent many a night crying to Mom about this unfortunate situation. And even after she agreed that I would never have to wear those jeans to school again, the name stuck for nearly the entire year.

The next year, when it came time to go shopping again, Mom took me to lunch at a local fast food restaurant (a very special treat). We chatted over our tacos and burritos and, as we were walking back to the car, she took my hand as we veered toward a popular clothing store that stocked all the newest and most hip clothing brands (like Ocean Pacific and Levi’s). I asked Mom what we were doing, as we had never stepped foot in that store before. She said she’d been saving up extra money and wanted to buy me something special. I came out of the store that afternoon with two brightly-colored pairs of Dolphin shorts and my first pair of name-brand jeans. I still remember how great I felt putting on those Jordache jeans, envisioning the memories of “banana butt” slowly fading away.

It wasn’t until many years later, when I was in college having a heart-to-heart with Mom, that I learned just how difficult it had been for her to save up enough money for that very special shopping spree. And I know you had something to do with that, too, Dad. Now, as a parent of a 9-year-old daughter for whom I would also do anything to make life easier, I greatly appreciate what you and Mom did for me. (But to this day, I still wish I had been stronger and simply continued to wear my “banana butt” jeans without caring what others thought.)

As I grew, your business did, too. The financial struggles we once faced seemed to slowly disappear—replaced by family vacations, new cars and updated clothing choices. Yet although we were doing well, I know that no matter how hard you worked or how quickly your success came, you continued to compare yourself to your brother.

I know this is a tough subject to address, but I think it’s worth a little discussion, even if just to tell you that I would always choose you for my dad. Although I loved my uncle and his big house next to Michael Jackson’s—and although a Rolls-Royce parked in a five-car garage, a personal limousine, private chauffer and live-in maid may have been nice—it wouldn’t have meant anything without having you as my dad. I realize the financial differences between you and your only sibling didn’t make you feel good, but I want you to know that never—not when I was young and not now that I’m nearing 50—did I ever wish to be anyone other than YOUR daughter.

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I acknowledge the struggles and dedication it took for you to give us the wonderful life you did. And I have always felt the immense love you showered upon us, as you also taught us more about strength and perseverance than anyone else ever could. I remember being invited to some of those lavish parties that your brother hosted, later listening to their stories about celebrity appearances and feeling somewhat envious of their trips to Europe. Yet, my fondest memories involve the times when our family—you, Mom, me and Michele—enjoyed backyard BBQs with our neighbors and played at the park pool and later in our own backyard pool, as well as always having you there to tuck me into bed at night. We’re the lucky ones!

— Young Adult —

As I became an adult, I began to realize just how fortunate I was. Because of you, I was the first person in our family to go to college. I know my enrollment must have been a huge financial burden, but I am forever grateful that you found a way to make it happen and insisted it wasn’t a hardship (even though I know it was).

You know I’m a huge believer in education. And although I realize that it may have been possible for me to succeed both personally and financially without a college education, I truly believe those years helped shape my life to make me the successful person I am today. Thank you for your unconditional love and unwavering support.

— Now You’re Dying —

I can’t remember a specific point in time when I realized that your health was deteriorating. The first heart attack came so unexpectedly that we were all caught off guard. The next three, although always terrifying, didn’t seem as surprising. The thought of losing you is not only painful but now also very real. As your health continues to deteriorate, I am trying to face the fact that you, my biggest supporter, may not be with me much longer.

I know you’re dying, Dad, but before you go, I want you to know that you made a difference. I know, with certain clarity, that my success is in large part due to what I learned from you. You taught me about perseverance, forgiveness, leadership, hard work and, most of all, you taught me about putting family first. I learned from you that life is short and having fun should be a priority. I learned to always be myself, always believe in myself and always have faith. And I learned that making people laugh (something I’ll never be able to do as well as you) is as important as anything else.

My life is richer and I am more successful because of the things I learned by watching you.

Thank you for everything!
I love you!

Dawna

Life moves quickly, and if we don’t make a conscious effort to build the life we want and deserve, it will simply pass us by. Then we’ll never experience the wonderful life we are meant to live—one full of happiness, security, passion, significance and purpose.

Start living the life you want right now! The life you desire is within reach; you just have to grab it and truly want it. And I mean really want it. Wake up ready to seize the day. Say aloud or in your head, “Today is going to be a great day!”, “I’m excited to see where today takes me,” or even a simple, “Let’s do this!”

BONUS: 7 Secrets to Your Best Life!
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And remember, it’s never too late to get the life you desire. Age doesn’t matter when it comes to finding a life of purpose and joy. In fact, so many people don’t find their true calling until much later in life.

Martha Stewart didn’t write her first book Entertaining until she was 41! That book launched her career as a domestic diva, and her highly successful Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia company followed.

Tim and Nina Zagat didn’t launch their restaurant review guide until both were 51. Vera Wang was 40 when she decided to become a fashion designer, and Julia Child made her television debut at age 51.

Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote the first Little House book at age 65, which later evolved into the popular TV show Little House on the Prairie. Duncan Hines was 73 when he licensed his name to a company that developed cake mixes; we all know how that turned out. Success can happen at any age.

You have the power to live the life you desire. Don’t wait! Begin to make the small shifts that can forever change your life for the better. A life full of significance, joy and meaning awaits.

Excerpt from You Can Have a Better Life

P.S. My new book You Can Have A Better Life: 21 Secrets to Getting the Life You Desire—Full of Significance, Joy and Purpose is now available! See it HERE.

If you’ve ever thought, “There must be more to life than this,” you’re not alone but simply desiring something more or better isn’t enough. Positive change only comes with action. Things begin to happen when you make them happen. It sounds simple, because it is simple. If you push ahead, the effort you put forth will begin the forward motion needed to capture success. You’ll notice I said “capture.” Success isn’t going to find you just because you want it. It’s not going to seek you out just because you’re a good person. It’s going to happen when you desire it, believe you deserve it and, most importantly, act upon it.

You have the power to succeed because you possess the power of choice and the power of action. It’s up to you which direction you want to move; it’s up to you to make it happen. You can alter your life by simply moving forward, and I’m not necessarily talking about making a huge shift. Even small, simple actions can make a major difference in your life, finances, relationships, happiness and overall success.

BONUS: 7 Secrets to Your Best Life!
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How do you make it happen? We all have the ability of turning something mediocre into something great; we must do only two things—develop a plan and follow it. Creating a plan is the easy part; acting upon it is where most people get stuck.

Early on in my career, I felt so stuck that I not only experienced emotions of despair, but also those of immense hopelessness. I worked at a job that I very much disliked, and I spent four years being miserable. I wanted to do something else and dreamed of finding a job I loved, yet I didn’t do anything about it. Every day I would wake up and drag myself to my job. Why? Why would I spend four years of my life doing something I didn’t want to do? I look back now and wonder why I wasted all that time, when all I needed was to implement a plan and act on it. Like most people, I was waiting for positive change to find me rather than creating a proactive strategy to go after it.

When I finally decided I’d had enough, I devised a plan for getting a new job that involved updating my resume, researching industries and companies that interested me, writing a cover letter, putting together a list of contacts, etc. The amazing thing was just how simple it was to make that plan. It took less than a week for me to gather all the pieces so that I could start making calls and arranging interviews. The simple act of moving forward in the right direction landed me my dream job in a completely different industry—in the city where I wanted to live.

Because the plan of looking for a new job and the act of actually reaching out and making meetings proved so easy, I often wonder why I didn’t begin sooner. Stop waiting for change to find you. Go out, and make change happen.

Where do you feel stuck in your life? Where would you like to see change take place? Do you want to improve your relationship with you boyfriend or girlfriend, your spouse or your kids? Do you want to build stronger friendships? Do you want a new job, or do you want to start your own company? Do you want to make more money and have more freedom to do the things you love? No matter what you’re looking for and regardless of how stuck you may feel right now, make a plan. Sit down right now and write out a list of three to five things you could do that would move you in the right direction. Then under each item, write what necessary action can make that happen.

Don’t wait for success to find you, go get it!

P.S. My new book You Can Have A Better Life: 21 Secrets to Getting the Life You Desire—Full of Significance, Joy and Purpose is now available! See it HERE.

Don’t let fear and doubt hold you back. Fear can so easily derail your opportunities for success. Overcoming our fears and learning to take risks can open doors to unlimited possibilities and help you realize your ultimate potential.

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The first step involves being aware of your fears, acknowledging them and drilling down into the worst-case scenario possible. Often our fear and the potential outcome causing that fear don’t match up. That is, our level of fear far outweighs what we’re scared of. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Now if you’re talking about climbing Mount Everest during a bad storm, your fears are likely warranted. But if your fear is keeping you from speaking at an industry conference, your fear factor probably outweighs any potential negative outcome. What’s the worst that can happen? Even if you don’t do a stellar job, you’ll most likely learn from the experience and know how to do a better job next time.

You need to connect your fear to the potential negative outcome and then put your fear into perspective.

Every single time I’ve been scared to do something but did it anyway, I either learned something amazing or moved my career forward.

In 2006, I was given another amazing opportunity. I was offered an hour-long radio show on Sirius Satellite Radio. The show, “Health and Fitness Talk with Dawna Stone,” was a live talk show that included guest interviews and answering listeners’ questions. I was so excited about the opportunity; I mean, how often do you get offered your own radio show, right? But then fear set in once again, and the negative self-talk began. “I don’t know how to do a live radio show!” “How am I going to have enough to talk about?” “What if I can’t get any expert guests to come on the show?” And so on and so on.

Thankfully, I conjured up the inner strength to really take a hard look at my options. I could turn down this amazing opportunity and play it safe, or I could just commit and do my best. I thought about the worst-case scenario. If I froze on-air or, even worse, wasn’t any good at the role, I would be no worse off. But if I gave it a shot, enjoyed it and actually thrived, I’d have an amazing experience.

When I arrived at Sirius for my first show, I felt sick to my stomach. I actually thought I might throw up in the hall waiting to go on-air. But just as I was getting ready to enter the studio, Howard Stern came walking down the hall toward me. He stopped, introduced himself and said, “You don’t look so well.” I told him it was my first show and I was nervous and extremely nauseous. Howard then shared that, during his very first show, he was so nervous that he threw up in the studio.

Now, I’m not sure if he was telling the truth or simply trying to make me feel better; either way, it worked. A few minutes later I was in the studio, the red “on-air” light went on, and I had the time of my life. The nerves vanished and everything just flowed. My guests were fabulous, the listeners were engaged and calling in with great questions, and my producer made the entire hour run smoothly.

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I look back now and think about how fear could have easily kept me from experiencing something amazing. Although I’m sure Howard wouldn’t even recognize me if we met again, I still believe that his little anecdote, true or not, helped me put things into perspective. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I could throw up like Howard did—so what!

Don’t let unfounded fears hold you back from opportunities that can impact your life in a positive way. Don’t let your fears rob you of an incredible experience that could catapult your career or simply bring joy to your life.

P.S. My new book You Can Have A Better Life: 21 Secrets to Getting the Life You Desire—Full of Significance, Joy and Purpose is now available! See it HERE.

I used to thing I had to do it all to be successful, but success came when I focused on what mattered most. If you’re like me, you may feel overwhelmed at times. There always seem to be so much to do and so little time to get it all done.

In order to get more done, I used to buy into the multitasking concept. I figured the more I could do at once, the more I would accomplish. But the opposite actually happened, the more I loaded onto my plate, the less I got done—and the more stressed I became.

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We try to do it all, but we end up doing it all poorly and poor execution doesn’t equate to the desired outcome we’re hoping for or the success we are striving for.

When I started focusing on what mattered most I didn’t stop doing important tasks, I just learned how to focus my attention on the things that mattered most and purge the unimportant tasks that were consuming most of my day.

I learned to work smarter rather than longer or harder and I learned to work on a few things—the things that would catapult my success rather than on a laundry list of things that didn’t get me any closer to my goals.

It’s not easy to refocus and shift gears as we’ve all been taught that doing more is good. In fact, you may feel a little anxiety at first as you let go of some of the items on your list. But lets be honest, most of us have items on our to do list that have been collecting virtual dust for weeks, months or even years. Isn’t it time we take those items off our list?

I can tell you from experience, that taking items off our list immediately reduces stress. If you’re like me however, no matter how long something has been on the list, you may feel uneasy about getting rid of it. Here’s a little hack that can help. Simply build another list called: Items I may or may not return to in the future. This way, you won’t lose the task but it also won’t be weighing you down. You can then simply review the list every few months or as needed (or not at all).

We are all extremely busy and unimportant tasks often take over our lives causing us to waste valuable time. We are constantly overwhelmed and our life is overflowing with trivial tasks, unimportant conversations and unproductive activities. So it becomes important for us to look at everything we want to accomplish and decide what matters to us.

Focusing on what’s important can immensely improve our lives. So how do you determine what matters most? Start by looking at all the things you want to achieve and but together a list, if you don’t already have one.

Then take your list and go through a series of four simple steps to ensure you’re focusing on what matters most:

1. Prioritize
2. Eliminate
3. Delegate
4. Schedule

Prioritize

Prioritization is key to focusing on the things that matter most. Far too many little and insignificant tasks creep into our day causing us to waste minutes if not hours. This wasted time keeps us from achieving the more important tasks that can truly make a positive impact on our lives.

If we can prioritize our tasks, we can free ourselves up for what matters most.

Eliminate

Not only is it important to prioritize everything you have on your to-do list, but it’s important to take items off your list that won’t improve your life or the life of someone around you.

Many of us have items on our to-do list that have been on there for so long that they are collecting virtual dust. These long-standing to-do’s only cause us undo stress. Take a good look at your to-do list and ask yourself these three questions:

1. Will this task or project improve my life?
2. Will this task or project help me achieve my end goal (one that matters)?
3. If I don’t complete this task or project now, will it negatively affect my life?

Go through every one of the items on your to-do list and ask your self these three questions. If you answer yes to any of them, then keep the item on your to-do list but if you answer no to all of them, remove the item from you list. If eliminating items from your list makes you feel anxious then file that to-do item in a separate list as mentioned above.

Delegate

Once you’ve prioritized your list and eliminated those items that were unimportant and didn’t add any value to your life, review the remaining items on the list and determine if someone other than you can do any of them. That is, see which ones you may be able to delegate to someone else. Can your spouse, sibling, friend or co-worker do it for you? Then start delegating and free up your time for the activities that matter most.

Schedule

Research shows that people tend to do the simple, unimportant tasks first and save the more time consuming or difficult ones for last. The issue is that there is never enough time to get every thing done so those more important tasks never get accomplished and we spend our days, weeks and years focused on the unimportant items on our list.

If you’ve done a good job prioritizing, eliminating and delegating, you should have very few if any unimportant items left on your list. But even so, tackle the items that matter most first to ensure you get them done. More over, if we do the things that matter most when we are still fresh, i.e. first thing, we will be able to give them the focus and attention they deserve.

Try spending your first hour or two every day working on what matters most—before you check email, social media, texts or return calls. Don’t do anything that might distract you. Instead focus all your attention on accomplishing your goals. You’ll be amazed how one or two hours each day (which you would have spent working anyways) can be the impetus to achieving all your dreams.

Schedule your most important tasks into your calendar just like you would an important meeting. For example every day from 8am to 10am or 9am to 11am set aside for “What Matters Most” and get specific. For me, I spend my first two hours of every day on my writing. I know from experience that if I open my email, I won’t accomplish my most important to-dos so I’ve made it a habit to not open my email or answer my phone until my scheduled writing time is over.

Time is fixed so how do we make time for everything? You don’t! The only way to make the most of the time we have and to focus on what matters most is to prioritize what needs to get done, eliminate those items that don’t, delegate when we can and schedule it in our day.

In his bestselling book, The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren says, “You become effective by being selective. It is usually meaningless work, not overwork, that wears us down, saps our strength and robs our joy.” He goes on to say, “If you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do less.”

Are you dabbling? Are you trying to do it all? Become selective and find success and joy by doing what matters most!

BONUS: 7 Secrets to Your Best Life!
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To Your Best Life,

Dawna